Tag Archives: Watch List

Wasted Words

By Lu Ann Brobst Staheli

Writers are wordsmiths. Writing words is what they do.

But sometimes, writers write too many words!

During the initial drafting process, writers often shoot for a word count target. This is especially true if we are participating in a challenge such as NaNoWriMo or Word Wars with our Twitter friends. The higher the number of words we write in a given time frame, the better. We do everything we can to win the battle, collecting lots of wasted words along the way, all in the effort to have the largest word count when the match is done.   

But by the time we are ready to revise and edit, we realize that many of those precious words we wrote in the struggle to reach our goals need to go away if we want our manuscript to be worthy of publication.

I’m as guilty of wasting words as anyone. It’s easy to fall into the trap of a favorite phrase that clutters my writing. I lost track of how many times I had to remove the phrase “a bit” from one of my manuscripts, but that’s not the only phrase I’ve been guilty of using. I’ve learned to keep a “watch list” during my own editing process, and the search function has helped me get rid of the over-use of certain words.

But overuse is not the only way an author can waste words. Sometimes we use words to “warm up” to what we really want to say, as fillers when we aren’t sure what we want to say, or because of habits we have picked up as we speak, which we let stray into our writing. Here are a few examples:

“And with that” –Writers add this phrase while drafting when they want to move a character from place to place, instead of just moving them. Almost every time it draws the reader out of the point of view character and into the thoughts of a narrator using the author’s voice. Remove this phrase and show us the action to strengthen your scene.

“Up” –It’s amazing how many times this little word can be added when it’s not necessary. Rose up, sat up, and stood up are just a few examples. Search for “up” and read the sentence without it. If the sentence makes sense, omit the word, or better yet, find a way to strengthen the verb.

“Thought to himself” —Everyone is guilty of this one, but if you stop to think about it, the phrase is sort of silly. Who else would you think to? Unless you’re a backwards mind reader, there is no way you can think to anyone other than yourself. Delete “to himself.”

“Small / Large” —We often add these words, thinking they help a reader determine size, but unless you specifically give something to compare the item to these qualifiers don’t add anything to the description. “A small man” could describe any man without another man to compare him to. Is he under 5’ tall? Or is he simply a couple of inches shorter than Michael Jordan? If you want to see how meaningless these words become, pick up a copy of Brian’s Winter by Gary Paulsen and read, looking especially for the word “small.” I love the story, but it becomes laughable when you hit the section where he uses small something like ten times in a half a page.

“Well / Um” –These words are wasted in conversation, and they are even more wasted in written text. Find another, better way to show hesitancy in a character’s speech.

Look over your own work in progress this week and make note of wasted words. Do a search and see how many you can delete. Do you notice an improvement in the quality of your writing? Continue to build your list, make every word count, and you will see improvement as you write.

One word of warning—you’ll also start to see other people’s wasted words as you read. This can be good if you add their words to your editing list to avoid in your own writing, but it may also drive you crazy as you realize some of your favorite authors could have been so much better if they’d only learned not to waste words.


Lu Ann Brobst Staheli is the award-winning author of Just Like Elizabeth Taylor, When Hearts Conjoin, and Psychic Madman. Men of Destiny: Abraham Lincoln and the Prophet Joseph Smith will be available in March from Walnut Springs Press. Staheli can be found at www.LuAnnsLibrary.blogspot.com.

About Bonnie Gwyn Johnson

Bonnie Gwyn wrote her first book, about a talking grandfather clock, when she was six – and hasn’t stopped writing since. In fact, she can’t “not write,” and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She hasn’t missed a day of writing in her journal for the past four years!

As a winner in this year’s National Novel Writing Month challenge, Bonnie produced her latest dystopian novel, "Escaping Safety," and is now working on its sequel. She is also close to completing a fantasy romance series, "The Legends of Elldamorae," whose characters have captured her heart and can’t wait to have their stories revealed.

Bonnie’s mantra is, “I write because I believe every story deserves to be told.”

You can learn more about Bonnie, and read her inspirational blog posts, on Where Legends Begin at http://www.bonniegwyn.blogspot.com/

Bonnie Gwyn handles all guest bloggers on this website. Contact her if you would like to volunteer your time to share writing advice for The Authors' Think Tank.